How to Discipline Your Child

ABSTRACT

The importance of parental involvement as an accelerating and motivating factor in their children’s education is a worldwide-accepted fact. This research project provides an in depth explanation along with specific reasons, the importance of parents’ involvement in their children’s education. It also discusses the parenting techniques, their types and their consequences if neglected. It also describes the ways to measure the outcome of the positive parental involvement. Furthermore, it mentions the teachers involvement and the difficulties faced by the teachers in getting parents involved in their children’s (this is further supported by the examples of two teachers who with their deliberate efforts won the parents over to devote their maximum attention towards their children), single-parent involvement, children’s own efforts to improve their academic levels and joint home-school based interventions. A detailed analysis of the different main ideas is given, based on the findings from other research surveys and projects.

INTRODUCTION:

Parental involvement can be seen to fall into three types: 1) Behavioral, 2) Intellectual and 3) Personal. The research explores the effect of multi-dimensional participation of parents and the resulting progress of children in their studies when different parental resources were dedicated to them. Actively participating parents help their children in their academic development by going to schools and participating in open houses. By keenly observing the behavior of their children they can rightly judge the kind of behavior or the allocation of resources required by their children. Such caring parents can also motivate teachers to become more attentive towards a particular student, thus maintaining the cycle of parent-teacher involvement. Encourage Building up cognitive and perception abilities in a child are a major concern in the upbringing of the child. The way the parents involve their children in cognitive learning is by exposing them to different cognitively stimulating activities and materials such as books, electronic media and current events at home. This helps the child to practice all sorts of language comprehending skills at the school. The results show a remarkably positive behavior at the school and with peers.

Two parenting processes namely the Supportive Parenting (SP) and Harsh Parenting (HP) helped a lot in the research of parental involvement in their children’s education. By adjusting the levels of supportive parenting, different levels of successful outcomes were observed. Supportive parenting in even kindergarten students yielded positive results. Four measures of supportive parenting were used in the study, they were:

1. Proactive teaching.

2. Calm discussion in disciplinary encounters.

3. Warmth.

4. Interest and involvement in peer activities.

The assessments were conducted when children entered kindergarten and when they reached grade 6. There was a factor noted to hinder children’s development: family adversity. It was the result of a multipurpose negative process that included the risk of low socio-economic status, single-parenting and family stress. Child maladjustments were found to be more common in families with such adversities. No matter how much negative impacts were cast, SP was found to overcome the risks associated with family adversity. SP was strongly related to adjustment procedures in grade 6 children who had single parent family or experienced low socio-economic status (SES) in their early childhood.

In a way to socialize their children, parents adopted the techniques of calm discussion and proactive teaching. They helped lessen the behavioral problems by carrying long discussions with their children, cultivating in them a sense of respect, calmness and peace of mind. Mothers also participated actively in reducing the peer stress among their children. It is also a widely accepted fact that supportive parenting plays an important role in the children’s development of empathy, prosocial behavior and emotional competence. On the negative side, the absence of supportive parenting may be related to the development of internal problems such as anxiety and depression.

Lack of the necessary parental care and attention is the main factor for the subsequent rise in the percentage of juvenile delinquency (crime among children). The absence of parental instructions causes children to develop irreversible behavioral and emotional problems. They in order to seek attention, resort to crimes thinking that in this way they could fulfill their wishes. They may revert to uncontrolled violence if not kept an eye upon. Such criminal activities cannot be brought to a halt until their distressing symptoms of low self-esteem, depression, dysphonic mood, tension and worries, and other disturbances are relieved. And the importance of parents’ role in this regard cannot be over-emphasized.

In an effort to describe parental involvement, many researchers use a term “Transition”(Lombardi, Joan). “Transition” is used to describe the time period in which children move from home to school, from school to after school activities, from one activity to another within a pre-school, or from pre-school to kindergarten. The untiring endeavors of teachers in the phenomenon of transition cannot be ignored. They prepared the children and their parents to face the problems of adjusting to elementary school programs that had different psychology, teaching styles and structure than the programs offered at the kindergarten level. In the elementary level schools the teachers had to face serious challenges in motivating the parents to take interest in their children’s activities. The teachers adopted different methods to involve the parents in day-to-day classroom and home activities. They used to send notes, invitation of parent-teacher meetings, invitation of parental guidance sessions and training sessions, continuously directing the parent’s attention towards their children. Patricia Brown Clark suggests that it is very important to keep the line of communication between teachers and parents open, so that the parents can interact with the teachers and get up to date information of their children’s school activities. One way to involve parents is to schedule school events and arranging classroom activities such as volunteering for libraries, acting as classroom aides or efficiently organizing lunch breaks. The teachers also opt for making phone calls at the children’s houses to keep in touch with the parents and getting to know the extent to which they are contributing towards the welfare of their children. Apart from the above activities, the teachers also assign home activities for both the parents and their children so that the parents remain indulged in their children and the children get to study at home. However, it was a bad and disappointing experience for the teachers when many of the parents failed to respond as expected. Many of the parents were so overwhelmed with their official work that they could hardly take out some time for their beloved children.

Moreover, for some parents their schoolings were not positive and character-boosting experiences, therefore they preferred to keep a distance from their children’s school as well. This made it really difficult and at times impossible for teachers to bring the parental involvement to the desired level. Nevertheless, the activities of two teachers proved greatly fruitful in making parents involved in their children. They were Carlos Valdez, an art teacher and 8th grade class sponsor, and Mike Hogan, the school’s band director. They did it by involving parents in music festivals and other school ceremonies. They proved to be great examples for the future teachers to come.

If the children’s academic development programs are to prove successful they must share two characteristics:

1) Developmentally appropriate practice:

A child’s academic progress is clearly reflected by the appropriate practice he/she administers while in school life. During transitions from pre-school to kindergarten, a child if given the exact developmentally appropriate practice tends to learn a great deal of language and playing skills. He develops a keen interest in exploring his environments and interacting (without hesitation) with his adults.

2) Supportive services:

These include the assistance that the school provides to low-income family students. The services include health care, childcare and community care. This strengthens the relation between school and children and creates a sense of security and confidence among the children. They get to learn that their communities are a part of their school since the school’s supportive services strive to help community development.

It is commonly believed that children are good self-teachers. Their self-initiated strategies help improve their expression, creativity, intellectual capabilities and extra-curricular skills. This idea is proved by the documentation of young children’s work provided by Reggio Emilia :

“The Reggio Emilia educators highlight young children’s amazing capabilities and indicate that it is through the unity of thinking and feeling that young children can explore their world, represent their ideas, and communicate with others at their highest level.”(Edwards, Pope. C, Springate, Wright.K)

The climax rests in the fact that how the parents would know that their sincere involvements are really proving worthwhile for their children. The answer lies in the attitude of the children. The degree of parental involvement can be judged by a child’s attitude towards his school subjects, his academic desires and achievements. There is a direct relationship between academic achievements and the attitude towards school. Schunk in 1981 had the following idea of aspiration or academic desires:

“Level of aspiration is defined as one’s subjective probability that he or she will reach a certain level of education.”(Abu, H. & Maher, M)

As a result children who received adequate parental concern were found to be much more confident in their academic desires and achievements than those who could not get the right amount of parental concern. The individual involvement of mothers and fathers also plays a vital role in the behavioral development of a child. Students from one-parent household were observed to show less positive attitude towards schools and studies as compared to students from two-parent households. One study aimed at investigating parental concern showed that despite mothers’ sincere endeavors, the role of fathers could not be ignored and both served as an important foundation for the future progress of the child. This can be proved from the following fact:

According to a recent report from the National Center for Educational Statistics (1997), compared to their counterparts, children with involved fathers are more likely to have participated in educational activities with their parents (e.g., to have visited a museum or a historical site with their parents in the past month), and are more likely to have access to multiple types of resources at home as well (as measured by the proportion of parents who belong to community or professional organizations, or regularly volunteer in the community). (Flouri, E. And Buchanan, A, Pg.142)

Also, the parental involvement has been discussed and implemented in terms of interventions or prevention programs, which are nothing but safety measures taken to assure healthy and perfect upbringing of the child. The study uses school-based and home-only intervention programs to find out the extent of intellectual capabilities found in children from different family backgrounds. The success of one school-based interventions can be proved from the following fact, which was a part of “Education Service Improvement Plan 2001-2005” of Edinburgh:

—-The Scottish Executive Discipline Task Force, which studied the causes of poor behavior among pupils in schools produced a report of ‘Better Behavior – Better Learning’ in June 2001. The report included 36 recommendations for action, which were then turned into an Action Plan in 2002. Many of these have implications for the Education Authority. (Craig Millar Instep Project)

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One of important issues on some baby forums is about how to disciplining child. Disciplining child using the time out method can be very effective, and will work with children as young as 18-24 months old. Using this method of discipline parents are giving the child time to sit quietly and alone after misbehaving, without becoming angry or agitated with the child.

Prepare an appropriate area in the house where the child is isolated from interacting with others. It can be a corner in their bedroom, a space on the kitchen floor or a special chair that’s labeled only for time outs. The length should be age appropriate. A good rule of thumb is generally one minute per year of age. A kitchen timer is helpful in counting down your child’s punishment time. Time out for toddlers is used to give them a chance to regroup and calm down. It’s doubtful they will sit completely still, and they should not be forced to try. All children should be asked in a firm but pleasant tone to complete a designated task or stop an undesired behavior. If their behavior persists, they should be verbally directed to behave once again, with eye contact being made and the time out spot pointed out. If after this warning the behavior still persists, they should be escorted to the time out location and told exactly why they are being sent there. Maintain a calm but firm tone with them. Once they’ve quietly served their time in the time out location it’s important to discuss with the child why they were sent there and that if the behavior occurs again, they will again be sent to time out. Older children should then agree to do what you told him to do or cease misbehaving. Children who leave their time out location before their time is up must be made aware that privileges will be lost as a result. It’s likely that your time out method will have to be modified to fit the temperament of your child and your own parenting style. And remember to reinforce positive behavior with praises, hugs and smiles. Time out can successfully be used outside the home such a grocery stores, restaurants, or shopping centers. It’s important to emphasize to the child that time out will be enforced should they misbehave while there. Be consistent and place the child in time out should they misbehave in the store. If you don’t, they’ll get the message early on that you’re inconsistent and will be more likely to test your boundaries.

Read also my article about The Positive Influence of Being Involved in Education-Early Childhood

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Listening, learning, and observing your children are very effective ways of getting them to open up to you when disciplinary action is require to getting your child attention. Giving your child your undivided attention by listening is the first thing you should consider doing when things become tensed; lending hearing ears helps makes disciplining become less painful for yourself and your child. Your child or children need to vent to release the tension “build-up” they are experiencing themselves after a hard day at school. Every child has their side of the story of what took place whether at home or at school. By lending hearing ears you have the opportunity to analyze the situation at hand. Give your child ten to fifteen minutes to explain their side of story. This way you will learn exactly what took place after hearing what your child has shared with you. Most parents blast their children and give orders and strict disciplinary actions without getting all the details of the incidents that has taken place in their child lives.

By listening and learning about how they’re day went, you can now observe and get a clearer picture of the episodes of the day your child is sharing with you. The more your children share with you the easier your job will be when deciding what method of discipline you choose to use. Discipline means “to teach and to train” let your children learn from their own mistakes. However you have to be willing to teach and train your child so they will not make the same mistakes over and over again. Your child will see you as being fair and loving while providing stern but loving actions to help strengthen their character and development. Disciplining your child is a must; however make sure you do it in a loving way. I’ve experienced this type of disciplining and it helps me as a single-parent to keep my child on the right track when she loses focus. Use whatever disciplinary action you feel will be most beneficial for you and your family.

By doing so; your child will always come and let you know how they’re day went and share with you everything they really want and need to talk about. Open your eyes and your ears to hear from your child; this way you will be able to give correction and proper guidance. Your children are here to bring you joy. Enjoy your child or children and always be open to their “well-being.” Your child or children are an asset to you and not a liability. Look, Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of your womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3. If you are struggling with your parental rights and responsibilities sign-up to receive tips on life in general and I can help you with your parenting concerns.

Copyright © 2007 Clark A. Thomas

bombard families with many challenging behaviours. As parents, we are delighted if their behaviour is mostly positive. But what if your kids constantly display harmful behaviour? How are you going to deal with it?

It can get frustrating for a mother who is yelled at every time she says ‘no’ to her child.

In my clinic, I’ve seen parents who feel desperate when their son or daughter who used to behave like a “saint” is now disrespectful, oppositional, and threatening. Some are at a loss finding the right solution to their child’s misadventures.

As parents, what are your options?

Establish a Hierarchy of Consequences for Inappropriate Behaviour

Different behaviours require varying degrees of discipline. There is no single method effective for all individuals and all types of unacceptable behaviour.

One helpful way of instilling order is by creating a graduated form of discipline — from a simple and effortless method to a more serious way of dealing with it.

Ignoring the Behaviour

Certain behaviour becomes worse if you pay attention to it. Temper tantrum is one example. One way to deal with some behaviour like temper tantrum is to ignore it. Don’t give in. Try to look away and don’t smile. Focus on what you’re doing rather than on the child’s behaviour. Don’t try to please.

I’ve seen many children stop their inappropriate behaviour almost instantly when they don’t get what they expect which is attention.

Granny Gestures

This is the second line of offence against inappropriate behaviour. This type of discipline can deal with both major and minor infractions. Granny gestures simply show to the child the target behaviour is not acceptable.

Such gestures simply involve hand movements such as waving the right pointing finger back and forth after an incident. And it should be done immediately after an inappropriate behaviour. For instance, when your child is not cleaning up or not making the bed, wave your pointing finger.

Counting One to Five

Counting one to five is the next level if your child remains defiant or unresponsive to your granny gestures. This requires a reminder that the unacceptable behaviour still exists and if it continues after you count to five, then a more serious form of consequence will be enforced.

Also, counting provides your child the time to think and to realize his or her mistake. It gives your child the opportunity to change.

Time-out

Time-out is a more serious form of discipline. If the inappropriate behaviour persists, you tell your child to go to one corner of your house. The corner should be well lit, safe, and not isolated. It should be a place where you can still see what your child is doing. During this time, don’t give any toy or reading material, and avoid communicating with your child.

What should be the appropriate duration for time-out? In my opinion, the duration should depend on the nature of the infraction, the frequency of such infraction, and the age of your child. If your three-year-old child is having a tantrum, a three-minute time-out is proper. But you can stretch the time to four to five minutes if the infraction is major, for example stealing. Use your judgment.

Taking Away Privileges

Taking away privileges requires that you first identify your child’s hobbies, likes, and interests at home and that you take one or more of them away for a certain time as a consequence of inappropriate behaviour.

For instance, your child has repeatedly stolen and hasn’t responded to above measures. You can then take away his or her computer privileges for one night. Take away the toy or activity that interests your child. Taking away privileges should be time-limited, realistic, and feasible.

In summary, discipline needs simple, practical strategy. Shower your children with love and affection. Give them toys. But be firm and consistent. Remember, discipline is not only for their well-being. It also benefits your family and the whole community.

Hollywood doesn’t want to admit it, but numerous studies have shown that children become more aggressive, angry and even sometimes violent when they are exposed to television violence and the results are seen almost immediately. Children’s minds are very impressionable and they learn by modeling the behaviors of those around them. Think of a baby learning to talk. The baby learns to talk by copying first sounds, then words and phrases and finally sentences. Children learn just about everything from watching the world around them and that includes what they watch on TV.

If they are watching television programs where violence is shown as the answer to every problem, they are more likely to react with anger, aggression and violence to the circumstances in real life. This is a very unhealthy pattern to begin as a child. Children need to be shown the proper way to deal with anger both in real life and on television. Many of the old-fashioned television programs did an excellent job of this. The main character almost always faces some sort of crises, makes the wrong choice and has to learn a lesson from it. Often the end of each program showed the parents talking to the child about how they could’ve handled the problem differently.

Does this mean that we should never let our children watch any programs with violence? It is something to consider, to be sure, but depending on their content and message, watching some of these programs together may provide the opportunity to talk about dealing with anger in more constructive ways. Having the opportunity to evaluate why the characters behaved the way they did and what the outcome could’ve been if they had made better choices may help your child to deal with angry feelings more effectively.

Television violence certainly affects children, but maybe not as much as our own behavior. Even more important than what our children are watching on TV is what they are watching in our own homes. It is important to model good behavior, including being able to admit when you are wrong and apologizing. Never expect a child to do something you don’t teach them to do through your actions. Actions not only speak louder than words, they teach far more effectively as well. Letting good behavior rule both in real life and on the television set will greatly increase your child’s ability to handle themselves appropriately.

Studies have definitely taught us that television violence affects our children. How much is too much? Certainly children should never watch violent programs that are intended for adults. Most of the time adults would be better off not watching them either, but the violence is too real and can cause not only aggressive and violent behavior, but depression and anxiety as well. Even children’s programs that focus on violence, such as Power Rangers, should be monitored and viewed with caution. If your child acts out after watching these programs, that is a good sign that they shouldn’t be watching them. Common sense needs to be the guide, but take the time to be aware of the connection between television violence and anger problems and using opportunities to communicate with your child can make all the difference.

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