How to Discipline Your Child

You will know your child is difficult before he is two years old, especially if you have other children. He exhausts you. He cannot sit still, does not listen to instructions, and gets in trouble constantly. A former foster mother of 36 children with severe ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) said, "These kids make your eyeballs tired."

If your child has behavior problems, it is hard to know what to do next. You may be reluctant to get him assessed right away because you still have questions. What if he just has a lot of energy? What is normal behavior anyway?

Typical Milestones of Children without Child Behavior Problems

At three years oldhe can initiate play activities and he enjoys playing with other kids.

At four years oldhe talks and plays with his peers, takes turns when playing games, cooperates in groups, and helps adults when asked.

At five years oldhe can follow established rules and routines. He apologizes when he hurts others, shows his emotions in different situations, is helpful to his peers, and seeks help from adults when crises occur.

When It Is Time to Get Your Child’s Assessment

If your child cannot accomplish these tasks and he is more than five years old, there is a greater likelihood that he has ADHD. Do not wait any longer.

You need to seek a professional opinion for a proper diagnosis. Be aware that many doctors, psychologists, and psychiatrists prefer to wait until a child is more than five years old to diagnose and medicate.

If children’s behavior problems are severe, these medical professionals will make exceptions. Defiant children need specific help to keep from developing ODD (oppositional defiant disorder).

If you observe these signs of ADHD in your child before he is seven years old, start keeping a journal on child behavior problems.

Keeping a History Journal to Record Child Behavior Problems

Start your journal when you first notice your child’s peculiar behaviorsknown clinically as his age of onset. This journal is more important than you can imagine.

Note the frequency and duration of his symptoms, including eating and sleeping habits, bruises left on siblings and peers, out-of-control incidents, and aggressive or destructive behavior. Enter the troubles he had in various settings, for example, nursery school, daycare, restaurants, grocery stores, and at family reunions and other social events. Document his response to your parenting and child discipline. You will need this information for his official assessment.

You Can Do This

If you suspect it’s time to get your child assessed, I invite you to use these parenting tips to get started.

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Criticism, nagging and scolding by parents -in harsh or soft words, on major or minor issues-destroys the self esteem of the child. But it may also rouse a very dangerous feeling in the child -that of guilt. This feeling of guilt can distort the way the child thinks about himself.

How do you react to his ‘mischief’? Children are children. We often lose our patience when they act their age. But little do we realize that our repeated remarks like ‘every time you go out, you create a fuss for having something or the other’ or ‘you are such a stubborn child’ can make the child feel guilty of being a ‘trouble maker’. As a result he may become conscious of his actions and gradually stop expressing himself.

How do you deal with his unreasonable ‘wants’? Children don’t understand why he cannot have everything he

 wants nor that one should pay to get something. But when children insist on taking some toy from the shop or somebody’s place or bring home something without the knowledge of parents, mostly parents criticize the child for being greedy or accuse him of stealing. This makes the child doubt his intentions and feel guilty for being mean.

How do you take their naivety? Innocent remarks by children may cause a rift between the parents or the family members. Blaming the child for causing misunderstandings makes him feel guilty for the unhappiness caused to you. Don’t burden your little child by holding him responsible for issues arising in the family.

How do respond to his failures? When parents express their disappointment or how ashamed they feel when the child loses in a competition or doesn’t

 score good marks, it is the ultimate blow to his self-confidence. The child begins to feel he is not good enough. And he’ll operate all his life from the understanding ‘others are good, I am bad’.

How do you make him realize his mistakes? While disciplining the child, parents indulge in soft emotional blackmail like ‘we love you so much, we have given you everything, still you misbehave or don’t listen to us’. This can make the child guilty of being ‘unworthy’. He may feel he is someone who doesn’t deserve good parents. Well, the fact is that every child deserves good parents and good parenting which is entirely in your hands.

The child who is weighed down by guilt can never rise in life. Hence, point out to your child his mistakes in a way that gives him the power to improve and not feel guilty of them. 

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