How to Discipline Your Child

All kids misbehave some times, but behavior disorders go beyond mischief and rebellion. With behavior disorders, your child or teen has a pattern of hostile, aggressive or disruptive behaviors for more than 6 months. Normal behavior in children depends on the child’s age, personality, and physical and emotional development. A child’s behavior may be a problem if it doesn’t match the expectations of the family or if it is disruptive. If you see signs of a problem, ask for help. Poor choices can become habits. Kids who have behavior problems are at higher risk for school failure, mental health problems and even *******. Classes or family therapy may help parents learn to set and enforce limits.

From the different studies carried out by experts on child psychiatry, two important strategies for studying development include the longitudinal study in which a particular group of children is studied over a long period of time, sometimes from infancy through adulthood. The second method, which is more popular because it is less expensive, is called the cross-sectional method. In this strategy a group of children or adolescents at a particular age are studied at that age. In order to compare different ages, different samples would be studied but no group would be studied over time.

Parents may choose to use physical punishment (such as spanking) to stop undesirable behavior. The biggest drawback to this method is that although the punishment stops the bad behavior for a while, it doesn’t teach your child to change his or her behavior. Disciplining your child is really just teaching him or her to choose good behaviors.

Questions to ask while studying child behaviour and psychiatry

Have there been any abrupt changes in his life? A move or something like that?

Ask him first to find out the reason behind the anger, talk to the teacher and ask if there is anything you and she can do together to help your son find some different outlets for his anger. Anger many times stems from underlying issues that he may be afraid to talk about.

How are his grades, how is his attention span? What is he like at home? Is he open and friendly with everyone, or has he isolated himself from others as well as being angry? There are alot of other changes that can occur that will give you clues as to wether or not it something serious.

Has his eating habits changed? Do you and your wife belong to any of the learning disabilities associations? There are parent support groups for kids of various ages, maybe you need to talk with parents who have gone through this with their teens and they have some stratagies they can offer.

Perhaps you need to go with him and talk to his pediatrician or family doctor about the pills and why he’s hiding them or not taking them. Maybe they have an adverse effect on him that only he’s aware of.

Next maybe he needs to repeat the grade he’s in. Holding kids back when they’re in this kind of emotional upset may be in the long run beneficial to him. Explain it like a ball player being sent to the minors to hone his skills more, then he can come back to the big leagues.

Rewarding child when they do something good

Ask the child to do a task. Set a timer. If the task is done before the timer rings, your child gets a reward.

Write a short list of good behaviors on a chart and mark the chart with a star each time you see the good behavior. After your child has earned a small number of stars (depending on the child’s age), give him or her a reward.

In a short time (about an hour) put a mark on a chart or on your child’s hand each time you see him or her performing a good behavior. For example, if you see your child playing quietly, solving a problem without fighting, picking up toys or reading a book, you would mark the chart. After a certain number of marks, give your child a reward.

Ask your child to play quietly alone or with a sibling for a short time (maybe 30 minutes). Check on your child frequently (every 2 to 5 minutes, depending on the child’s age) and give a reward or a token for each few minutes they were quiet or playing well.

Controlling your child is a good way of raising em’. Train your child in the good ways that he should go and when he grows up, he will never depart from it. Alot of people whether Christians, Moslems, Pagans etc will agree with this religious inclination while some will call it a bluff with a single wave of a hand. Well bearing children is more easier than raising them.

Rearing a child is not a day job so you can’t go on bearing children if you don’t know how to raise them.

-Why bring a child into this world if you will let him grow to become a terror to his fellow humans.

-Why bear a child you will help to create a monster.(Remember that the worst thing about creating a monster is that one day it will turn against you).

-Why bear a child you will abandon.

-Why bear a child that will point an accusing finger at you and cursed the day he was born.

-Why bear a child that will end up in prison or death sentence.

-Why bear a child that will constantly patronise the rehab center.

-Why bear a child that will be a victim of prostitution.

-Why bear a child that will end up in the streets.

When you ask yourself these questions, then you will find the answer. If you are not ready yet, then don’t bring in that innocent child. Let him/her hang a little while in that angelic world of theirs before bringing him into this corrupt world.

We all know the reasons why things are getting worser by the second, why Terrorism, Prostitution and all kinds of crimes can never stop? WHY?

-Because fathers teach their sons how to kill.

-Because mothers teach their daughters the game of ***.

-Because fathers are hard on their sons in the day and sleeps with their daughters in the night.

-Because mothers are hard on their daughters in the day and flirts with their sons in the night.

-Broken homes.

It all comes to a conclusion that everything starts from the home. Charity begins at home.

When a child becomes bad, the question is always “did he have a good upbringing?”, “what’s his family background?”. But when a child becomes good, the answer is always “the parents did a good job”, “they must be so proud”.

What about your own child? What kind of upbringing are you giving your child?

-Do you work 3 jobs a day that doesn’t give you time to raise your kids?

-Do you travel a lot for your kind of job that you have to leave your kids all the time at the mercy of the nannies?

-Do you have the time but just can’t understand your child?

-Do you blame yourself for spoiling your child due to your excessive pamperness?

-Do you over discipline your child that he/she has ran out of the house twice this month?

-Do you give your child everything he deserves yet he’s not satisfied?

-Are you a single parent and can’t do it all?

-Do you raise the kids alone while your spouse is not helping at all?

-Do you feel like you are not a bad parent but just not a very patient one?

Then take a deep breath and relax. Children are like dogs. Train them well, they will make you proud. Spoil them, they will ruin you. just follow these easy steps.

A)-CONTROL YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOUR.

When your child misbehaves, scold him with the right hand and love him with the left hand ( it means don’t over scold him, make him understand you are doing it because you care).

B)-SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD.

Many people has misunderstood this simple but strong phrase, when they say rod doesn’t mean you will get a rod and flog your own child. The rod means discipline. If you don’t discipline your child in a good mannered way, he will get spoiled. Don’t be afraid to punish your child for doing a wrond thing, it’s a way of preparing him to become a better person.

C)-DON’T APOLOGISE UNLESS IT’S NECCESSARY.

A certain young mother flogged her 10 years old son twice on the buttocks for deliberately spilling orange juice on the white couch. The boy slumps down and cried like the world is coming to an end and the next thing you know, the mother practically begs the child to stop crying and apologises for being a bad mother. So every now and then when the child misbehaves and gets punished, he cries to get his way. That’s a bad example of rearing a child.

Meanwhile another young mother flogs her 8years old daughter twice on the palm for ********* on the couch while watching cartoon. The little girl cried and cried and when she saw that her mother was unmoved by her tears. She went upstairs in her room. When the mother notices her absence, she went upstairs and found her daughter under the bed. That touches the mother so she helped her daughter out and apologise for beaten her so hard and explained why she did it. The little girl understood and promised not to wee-wee again on the couch. Now that’s a good way of rearing a child.

When you discipline your child and feel you were off the edge about it, you can apologise. You will only apologise to your child when it’s necessary. Certain apologies can gravitate issues.

D)-COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR CHILD.

Make out time to spend quality time with your child, no matter how tight your schedule. Have a one on one talk with your kid. Learn to feel free to discuss Issues, Sex, Politics with your child. Believe me, there’s a lot you can teach your child while communicating and things you can learn in return. Even if you work 22 hrs a day and only has 2hrs left to rest and get ready for another day, make the best of that 2hrs, spend 30mins with your child and explained to him/her why you need the remaining 1:30 mins to rest. Your child will understand.

E)-BE A GOOD LISTENER.

Don’t ignore your child when he/she is keeping an unusual quietness. Make him/her talk to you and listen to what they have to say even if it doesn’t make much sense… Listen to your child when he/she is complaining, you never know one or two things you can find out about them. Make your child know you are always there to listen to his problems and achievements, in that way your child can always confide in you.

F)-PRETEND TO BE IN YOUR CHILD’S WORLD.

The best way to get in a child’s heart and mind is to get into their world. Don’t be too adult in every situation. You were once like them and you know how it feels back then.

Your teenage daughter fantazise about a certain boy in school. She tells you about it because she wants to know what your reactions are going to be. Don’t give into her doubts about you. Don’t go saying ” Honey, don’t you think you are too young for this type of thing?” C’mon, tell yourself the home truth, when you were at that age you used to fantazise too.. So play along that adolesense age, get into her world and try to ask her question about her feelings for the boy whether it’s Mutual, True love or Just infatuation. When you finish gathering that information then it’s time to play that motherly role and advice her to her best knowledge and the right thing to do. Tell her it’s normal to feel this things and make her understand that she should take control of her feeling and not her feelings take control of her. Tell her the fun, the consequences of these feelings… She will understand and believe me, she will grade you the coolest mother ever. Remember she has friends who will advice her otherwise, so play your role and leave the rest to her. The same rules applies to fathers to their sons.

G)-DON’T BE TOO OVER PROTECTIVE.

No matter how much you love your child and wants to protect him from the clutches of this world, don’t make too much of it or you will get in their last nerves espieciallly when they are reaching that adolesent age… Give them some room. Don’t barge in everything they do, when they are hanging out with friends and when they want to go on a date. Don’t snoop into their private things all the time. It’s only natural for every good parent to find out certain things about their child, what they are up to and the skeleton they got under their sheets but don’t make too much of it; and in case you find unusual thing about your child, don’t go screaming and telling them all the time or else they will keep hiding things from you. Keep it to yourself and watch him/her closely until you are convinced that this is the right time to act.

H)-DON’T BE TOO OVER POSSESIVE.

We know your child belongs to you and you love him so much you can’t imagine letting him out of your sight, but don’t make so much fuss about it. Don’t over possess your child that you can’t give him some room to associate with other adults. There might be one or two good things he can learn from another adult that he cannot learn from you. Let’s admit it, you can’t be perfect in everything.

You are an architect and you don’t know anything about music. Now your child wants to learn music from your doorstep neighbour who happens to be inclined in music and you are saying “NO” and starts to drag issues with your child that you are in the right position to teach him everything. Forget it. Just because your child visits your doorstep neigbour doesn’t mean he love you less. Give your child space to interact with other adults and do your investigation at the backyard (it’s good to know the adult your child is associating with).

The worst thing about spoiling a child is that when you grow old and needs him, he will not be there.. And when you die, he will celebrate.

Thai bride

Arborland Montessori Children’s Academy, Fullerton, CA

Freedom in the Montessori classroom is often misunderstood not only by the parents, but also by some teachers. What we need to remember is that from a Montessori point of view freedom is not the right to do what one wishes without thought or consideration for others. It also does not mean that the only way the child can be creative is to be allowed to do whatever he/she chooses without any consistent parameters and guidance from the adult in the room. For freedom to work creatively and constructively it has to function within the firm guidelines of discipline. Discipline does not mean being regimented and having to submit to the will of another. Freedom and discipline are two sides of the same coin. Freedom is the ability to stop, think and make a choice to the exclusion of any other possible given choices. Discipline is making correct choices while respecting the environment, and the rights of others to function and also make choices. Yes, to facilitate growth and correct choice making the child needs to act and be given opportunities to make choices. However, this does not mean the teacher abdicates responsibility. On the contrary it puts greater responsibility on the teacher.

The teacher has the responsibility of setting out firm parameters and guidelines within which the freedom may be used. This is not an easy task, especially if the teacher does not fully and correctly interpret the Montessori freedom and discipline philosophy in her own mind. Children love order, they are creatures of habit, and all the teacher needs to do is set out very clear guidelines and expectations within which the freedom may be enjoyed. Children are also expert manipulators, and till such time as the expectations have become a part of the daily routine, they will try to see how far they can push and change the rules to suit themselves. It is for this reason the expectations and rules need to be made clear early in the school year.

All this involves the teacher to be ever vigilant and consistent. They do not have to be labeled “mean or hard”. They have to remember to be consistent at all times while remaining kind and loving at the same time. Some teachers find this hard. While trying to set out order some teachers forget to show loving care and concern. Others show more than necessary care and concern giving the impression to the child that there is “wiggle room” to break the rules. Once you get this reputation, you will be struggling with freedom and discipline all year long.

So how do we give freedom and maintain discipline at the same time? How do we walk the fine line to balance and maintain the correct freedom and discipline? Here are some pointers that have worked well for me over the years.

Foster freedom in the room in the following ways: Allow freedom to move, to communicate, to choose activity, to work with others. Provide Limitations that give meaning and direction to the freedom in the following ways: Choices the child makes may not interfere with the rights of others, this provides harmony. The child may only choose work he/she has been presented, and is able to do. The child may only use material for the purpose for which it is intended, correctly with respect. Limit the number of materials. Only present tried and tested materials that are beneficial to the child’s development. This means no toys and unnecessary busy work.

I have deliberately kept these guidelines brief, allowing for elaboration and discussion by the teachers themselves.  None of this is news to any experienced Montessori teacher. But there is a need for constant reminder, and encouragement for all the teachers, especially those who constantly struggle with the concept of freedom and discipline, for those who give up and give too much freedom without consistency and for those who maintain discipline by being regimented and sacrifice freedom. Remember consistency tempered with love and caring is the key. The child needs to know YES, you do love and care very much. But he/she also needs to know and accept NO, there will be no negotiation on the parameters laid down for the use of the freedom.

In the beginning all of this will be challenging, but if you continue to repeat and maintain your rules, and do so with a smile on your face, love in your heart, and great deal of patience, you will be surprised with the positive results. Always remember, in the beginning, if you have to take away the child’s freedom in order to maintain discipline the child will label you “mean” and complain to the parent. Do not be put off by the thought of upsetting the parent. Ultimately the parent wants what you are trying to achieve. To avoid unnecessary complaint, always try to send the child home happy, after you have had the need to discipline him/her. Don’t carry a grudge and do not allow the child to nurse a grudge. Children are naturally forgiving, and if you show love while disciplining they will accept it sooner. If you have had a particularly challenging day with a child, get to the parent before the child can complain. Explain your position in a caring, loving way, always coming across that you are one hundred percent on the parent’s side, and show great love and care for the child. Do not get defensive, keep calm and always have an understanding smile on your face!

Finally I would like to remind you that the prepared environment in our classrooms fosters discipline, and the child creates it with your help. He/she does it within the context of his/her freedom to choose. There is a cycle and any disruption of it goes against the nature of the child. The freedom allowed in the Montessori Classroom nurtures discipline and makes it happen naturally. Dr. Montessori gave us the formula to create discipline naturally, but in order for it to work all the steps of the formula need to be followed. This is true in all areas of life; a formula is no good if any steps are omitted.

Arborland Montessori Children’s Academy is a Morning and afternoon school with school Lunch. Arborland Montessori Children’s Academy is directed toward the application of the highest standard and interpretation of the Montessori method through the techniques and philosophy.

Parents, be aware. If you belong to any of these categories–working in high-stress jobs, stay-at-home parents, or engaged in low-income jobs–chances are high you feel frustrated and isolated. Experts also think that such a condition makes it easier for you to apply harsh methods of imposing discipline on you children.

Recent studies have shown that parents working in high stress jobs, staying at home, or belonging to the low-income group, are more vulnerable to stress and tend to react disproportionately to their children’s behavior. As a consequence they are wont to use harsher means of checking their children’s wayward behavior, such as ******** and yelling.

If you feel you are punishing your child a bit too severely, you need to step back and consider outside assistance to curb this tendency. You need to learn alternative strategies of imposing discipline that are less harsh and more appropriate to your child’s temperament, age or maturity level.

What are these alternative discipline strategies? These are disciplinary measures that emphasize praise and positive reinforcement. We all know that children instinctively react favorably to praise. They thrive on it. Children by nature want to impress and make their parents proud of them. They are likely to do things that they know are pleasing to, or have elicited positive response from, their parents.

It therefore helps to focus on the positive things that a child does. Praise him or her with kind and re-assuring words. Reward your child with hugs, kisses, appreciative gestures, privileges, or even material things. Let him or her feel just how pleased and happy you are with his good deeds, behavior or traits. Make your child realize that being nice and well-bahaved is such a wonderful achievement on his or her part such that being consistent with that kind of behavior becomes second nature to him or her.

By emphasizing positive behavior, you most likely will keep your children from acting in ways that in the past drove you to impose too harsh a punishment. There is always something good, something praise-worthy, something lovable even in the most obnoxious of toddlers. Find that special thing. Nurture it and make it grow. Praise his or her good deeds and the child will likely respond with appropriate and positive behavior to earn more of your praises.

At the end of the day, never forget that a child is a child. Do not take away that playfulness or even some amount of mischievousness away from him or her. It is up to the parents to enforce appropriate disciplinary measures that are geared towards their child’s optimal physical, mental and emotional well-being. Here, do consider praise and positive reinforcement as an alternative to harsh forms of discipline.

With the weakening economy, more and more families are forced to trim the fat off their yearly vacation plans and instead choose a more economical getaway. Although many families this past year chose to stay at home, some families bravely headed out in the family car with their children crammed in the backseat. The first hour or so may pass by swiftly – but as any parent knows who has gone on a long road trip, each hour can feel like an eternity with tired, cranky and bored children in the backseat!

If your vacation plans have you taking the long scenic route towards your destination, you’ll be saving plenty of money in airfare, but you’ll need to think ahead in order to keep your kids happy and entertained. So how can you keep your children distracted during those multiple hour road trips? Simple: just use these tips and tricks, and your children will be happy for the entire trip!

1. Break out classic road trip games – they were invented for a reason! Have your kids try to see if they can spot a license plate from every state, and keep score – this will keep them interested for a prolonged period of time. Another great road trip game is “I Spy”, in which everyone takes turns guessing at a certain object or landmark using only the clues provided by the person who is “it”. However, objects that are in the car or on the horizon for a few minutes (like a large landmark) are the only acceptable objects; it’s not fair to guess for an object that passed by on the highway seconds ago!

2. Bring your child’s favorite electronics. Although electronics like video games can have a bit of a negative impact on your child’s health (for example, interrupting sleep schedules, causing a lack of exercise, etc.), they’re practically lifesavers on a road trip. Buy a portable DVD player and brings lots of movies that will keep your children distracted. You’ll be so thankful for the peace and quiet!

3. In addition to electronics, bring plenty of fun snacks. Many kids get cranky on long road trips due to hunger, but you can nip this problem in the bud by bringing along fun and healthy snacks to keep them over until lunch or dinner. Crackers and granola are great snacks that are healthy and delicious too!

4. Of course, no child, no matter how much he or she likes road trips, is able to stay in a car for a prolonged period of time. Once you recognize this, you’ll be able to better handle your child when he or she becomes cranky or restless. Plan on making lots of side trips along the way – in fact, why not make them part of the overall vacation itself? See if there are any fun landmarks en route to your final destination, and use the opportunity to stretch your legs. Your kids will be grateful for the rest, and you’ll enjoy avoiding yet another cranky mood.

5. Heap loads of praise on your children for making it through hourly blocks without making a fuss. They’ll be so proud of themselves that they’ll continue their behavior in order to earn more compliments!

But above all these things, what’s the most important thing to bring along on a road trip with children? Easy: the understanding that no matter how much you plan ahead, you’ll never be 100% prepared for everything. Children have a wild and wonderful way of turning an itinerary into a free-for-all; yet that’s just part of the adventure that is raising children.

Thai love