How to Discipline Your Child

Divorce is a devastating and painful process, not just for adults, but also for their children whose worlds are often turned inside out when their parents separate.

Children of divorcing parents are often very frightened and confused by the shake up of the stability and security that divorce can create. Divorce can be very detrimental to a child’s development, unless his or her parents make a conscious and collaborative effort to explain what is happening and to shield them from the very destructive feelings and situations that can arise from a divorce.

Children may often believe they are at fault for the problems between their parents. Vulnerability to both physical and mental illnesses can arise as a result of a loss of contact with or alienation from a parent in the aftermath of a divorce. in the traumatic loss of one or both parents through divorce. However, with care, communication and self-discipline, parents can help their children deal constructively with their parents’ divorce.

Divorcing parents, no matter how fractured their relationship may be, should put their children first and remember that they are entitled to the following.

–A lasting relationship with both parents

–Number one priority in both parents’ lives

–Freedom from interparental hostility

–Attention to their emotional and physical needs.

–Input into the visitation schedule; remember, it’s their life you’re organizing

–No displacement by competing relationships

–No requirement to parent their parents

–Freedom from the role of messenger

–Parental cooperation throughout the divorce

–Truthful answers to their questions about the divorce

–Freedom from guilt, blame and shame

–No parental coercion to keep secrets

–An understanding of the divorce agreement

Parents should be alert to signs of distress in their child or children. Young children may become aggressive, older children may become depressed. Their schoolwork may suffer and they may develop later problems in maintaining relationships.

The harm of divorce to children can be mitigated if they know that their mother and father will still be their parents and remain involved with them even though they are splitting up. Long custody disputes or pressure on a child to pick a side can be very harmful for children and cause lifelong psychological problems. Children do best when parents can put aside differences and work together on behalf of the child.

Parents’ ongoing commitment to the children of divorce is vital. By staying involved and letting their children know they have two loving parents, the negative impacts of divorce can be mitigated. children to help cope with the aftereffects of divorce. Trained counselors can suggest behaviors and strategies to reduce conflict and enable parents to create a functional arrangement for the upbringing of their children.

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Today education is tapping new resources, and hence more and more parents are turning towards home school programs. There are home school programs to follow depending on what and how you wish your child to pursue his education.

How Should You Go About Planning the Home School Program?

Home school programs offer various subjects and the best way to go about it is to know the subjects you wish to select in addition to the regular subjects like English, History, Mathematics, Biology and other curriculum based subjects. In addition, you may choose other subjects of interest to home school your high school child.

While your child can go through the course of study independently it is also possible to consult a trained teacher who will guide and keep track of the study method being employed. This will help rule out your anxiety when unable to contribute to your child’s learning process from home. The teacher also helps oversee the regularity and discipline of the study process.

Home school programs also allow you to keep record of your high school child’s home school progress which later makes it easy for the university entrance. The good thing about the home school program is that it runs parallel to the formal school program, thereby allowing the child to attend an educational institution if unable to cope with home study at any stage.

Why Parents Opt for the Home School Program

During the high school years, children are exposed to peer-group influence of drugs, sex, alcohol, violence, lying and cheating. Parents naturally wish to refrain from exposing their children to such influences. Schools also tend to inculcate in the children the fact that they are old enough to have their own set of values and convictions. Whereas it is the parents who are the true and sincere teachers of the values and convictions they wish to inculcate in their child. Other distractions of regular school are the fashion updates, popularity, opposite *** attractions, which are more upbeat than at home. All this may be kept at bay for as long as you feel you could home school your child.

Attention that Parents Need to Pay

While your child may study sincerely, remember there would be periods of non-study and lack of understanding. It would be important for you to keep track of the progress of your child’s study. Home schooling begets more personal attention than regular school, where the teacher continues at the pace of the majority, rather than devote special attention if your child lags behind. You would need to chalk out the daily or weekly study matter and discipline the child has to complete before you follow up on the portion studied. Flexibility is a major factor in this kind of study, which accommodates vacations or outings, seminars or library access and online study. It also gives you the option of choosing your curriculum and subjects which cover religious studies for better values.

Opting to home-school your high school child also tends to draw you closer to each other and builds a very amiable relationship.

Of course we want our kids to like us! As humans we desire connection and validation. So how do we get them to like us without getting walked all over and losing control or being a door mat?

Do you ever back down and give in because you think that your kid won’t like you? Is it hard to be the “bad” guy? Or after you correct or discipline your child, do you feel guilty and take back the consequence?

Do you sense that something is not right with your child, but you are afraid to bring it up because you dread starting WWIII?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then join the ranks of hundreds of parents that I have been talking with with. Parents are scared that their kids will stop talking, sharing, spending time with them. So parents go out of their way to be “overly hip, or cool towards their kids.”

Your kids see right through you and they have you over a barrel…You were a kid not long ago…think back to when you had Or didn’t have your parent twisted around your finger.

You will find this hard to believe but keep reading what happened to me today:

Just this morning, while coaching a couple about parenting their two young children, The Dad shared “I used to be the easy one, I wanted my kids to like me…now I realize as I have used your methods and am now on top of my discipline…that my kids are liking, respecting and loving me more than before!”

Seem strange? It is, but I will tell you why.

=> Kids want structure.

=> They want to know the rules.

=> They want to know the consequences.

=> They want you to follow through.

=> They want you to supervise them and set limits.

=> Because it makes them feel safe.

=> In their eyes you look predictable and in control.

=> It takes the guess work out of “Oh, know what is going to happen to me when my Mom or Dad find out what I did?

=> It is reassuring and relieves anxiety.

Did you ever think that consistent, no nonsense discipline could be that beneficial? The more parents I speak with and the more families I meet this is what I see: The families that are functioning the best are the ones that have clear rules and expectations that are tied to consequences that are logical to the issue. These parents are consistent, do not back down and command respect from their kids.

And guess what? These kids do not **** their parents. The love and respect their parents because they really know that their parents are working hard to teach them what they need to know in this new complicated world that we live in.

So stop worrying about whether your kids will like you and give them what they need: You to be on 100% of the time calling them on their misbehavior.

What effect does Battered Woman Syndrome have on children? An authoritative study states that children who witness domestic violence but at not battered themselves show behavioral and emotional problems similar to those experienced by physically abused children and may also suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome later.

One study states that witnessing violence between parents is a more predictor of future violence than being of victim of child abuse. The children see that this behavior is acceptable by their most important role models. Boys learn that battering is a way to influence loved ones without being exposed to more constructive alternatives. As they grow up boys tend to identify with their fathers and lose respect for their mother or feel guilty for not being able to protect her.

Domestic violence becomes a factor in custody cases. Psychological studies have demonstrated three reasons why the battered woman is more likely to be a better custodial parent than her abusive spouse:

The abuser’s violence damages the emotional health of the children Placing the children with the abuser perpetuates the cycle of violence The mother’s parenting skills are probably better since she was likely to have been the primary parent.

We’ve all heard about cases where the battered mother did not protect her children from abuse by the batterer. In one case the expert described Battered Woman Syndrome as “a breaking down of a woman’s self confidence and self respect to a point where she no longer knows of she is crazy or not .” BWS was used to demonstrate that the mother did not have the ability protect her child from the father’s sexual abuse.

Once outside of the abusive relationship a woman can overcome the feelings of inadequacy and helplessness that were brainwashed into her while being in an abusive relationship.

Courts have granted modified of a consent decree to change custody from father to mother when the mother later was able to demonstrate that the consent decree was signed under duress, that the father battered her during the marriage and used inappropriate discipline with the children. Even when children are not physically harmed in domestic abuse, the negative effects are complicated and long lasting.

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Children, very often, try our patience and we end up losing our temper and calm. It is very easy to end up feeling annoyed, sad, angry, irritated, hurt and confused. These periods of time are the true test of our parenting skills. Therefore it becomes important that we exercise discipline firmly but kindly. And the truth is, nobody wants to hurt their children either physically or verbally. When we feel that what our child has done is wrong and we want to teach him or her this distinction, yelling, hitting and punishing the child is the worst course of action to take.

When teaching our children discipline, our goal should be to teach them what cooperative, kind, respectful and responsible behavior is. The best method of teaching this is to be consistent, ensuring that the same punishment follows through for the same misbehavior, and to explain the discipline honestly and openly with the child afterwards.

While enforcing disciplinary action, the temperament, age and maturity level must always be kept in mind. Disciplinary actions should always be discussed well in advance so that the child, when confronted with a particular kind of situation, is fully aware of the consequences, and hopefully chooses to behave accordingly. And most significantly, you must never forget that it is the child’s behavior in a certain instance that you disapprove of and not the child itself.

If required, you can give yourself a little time before deciding to respond to a misdeed of your child. Sometimes we need a little time to cool off before dealing with the child in order to think carefully and not make any mistakes of our own. Hitting and yelling should be strictly avoided.

As a parent, you must keep your mind open, and should be willing to learn from and with your child. Every human makes mistakes and we must keep in mind that every disciplinary action may not work for every child. Children are as unique as anybody else, sometimes more so, and it is important that any form of discipline enforced on the child is made fitting to his or her character and individual needs of the child and parents. With enough love, patience, forethought, understanding and firmness, the process of discipline will have a positive outcome.

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