How to Discipline Your Child

Of course we want our kids to like us! As humans we desire connection and validation. So how do we get them to like us without getting walked all over and losing control or being a door mat?

Do you ever back down and give in because you think that your kid won’t like you? Is it hard to be the “bad” guy? Or after you correct or discipline your child, do you feel guilty and take back the consequence?

Do you sense that something is not right with your child, but you are afraid to bring it up because you dread starting WWIII?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then join the ranks of hundreds of parents that I have been talking with with. Parents are scared that their kids will stop talking, sharing, spending time with them. So parents go out of their way to be “overly hip, or cool towards their kids.”

Your kids see right through you and they have you over a barrel…You were a kid not long ago…think back to when you had Or didn’t have your parent twisted around your finger.

You will find this hard to believe but keep reading what happened to me today:

Just this morning, while coaching a couple about parenting their two young children, The Dad shared “I used to be the easy one, I wanted my kids to like me…now I realize as I have used your methods and am now on top of my discipline…that my kids are liking, respecting and loving me more than before!”

Seem strange? It is, but I will tell you why.

=> Kids want structure.

=> They want to know the rules.

=> They want to know the consequences.

=> They want you to follow through.

=> They want you to supervise them and set limits.

=> Because it makes them feel safe.

=> In their eyes you look predictable and in control.

=> It takes the guess work out of “Oh, know what is going to happen to me when my Mom or Dad find out what I did?

=> It is reassuring and relieves anxiety.

Did you ever think that consistent, no nonsense discipline could be that beneficial? The more parents I speak with and the more families I meet this is what I see: The families that are functioning the best are the ones that have clear rules and expectations that are tied to consequences that are logical to the issue. These parents are consistent, do not back down and command respect from their kids.

And guess what? These kids do not **** their parents. The love and respect their parents because they really know that their parents are working hard to teach them what they need to know in this new complicated world that we live in.

So stop worrying about whether your kids will like you and give them what they need: You to be on 100% of the time calling them on their misbehavior.

What effect does Battered Woman Syndrome have on children? An authoritative study states that children who witness domestic violence but at not battered themselves show behavioral and emotional problems similar to those experienced by physically abused children and may also suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome later.

One study states that witnessing violence between parents is a more predictor of future violence than being of victim of child abuse. The children see that this behavior is acceptable by their most important role models. Boys learn that battering is a way to influence loved ones without being exposed to more constructive alternatives. As they grow up boys tend to identify with their fathers and lose respect for their mother or feel guilty for not being able to protect her.

Domestic violence becomes a factor in custody cases. Psychological studies have demonstrated three reasons why the battered woman is more likely to be a better custodial parent than her abusive spouse:

The abuser’s violence damages the emotional health of the children Placing the children with the abuser perpetuates the cycle of violence The mother’s parenting skills are probably better since she was likely to have been the primary parent.

We’ve all heard about cases where the battered mother did not protect her children from abuse by the batterer. In one case the expert described Battered Woman Syndrome as “a breaking down of a woman’s self confidence and self respect to a point where she no longer knows of she is crazy or not .” BWS was used to demonstrate that the mother did not have the ability protect her child from the father’s sexual abuse.

Once outside of the abusive relationship a woman can overcome the feelings of inadequacy and helplessness that were brainwashed into her while being in an abusive relationship.

Courts have granted modified of a consent decree to change custody from father to mother when the mother later was able to demonstrate that the consent decree was signed under duress, that the father battered her during the marriage and used inappropriate discipline with the children. Even when children are not physically harmed in domestic abuse, the negative effects are complicated and long lasting.

My Foreign Bride