Archive for January, 2009

Impulsiveness in Children With ADHD

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

Children with ADHD typically struggle with impulsiveness. Lacking the ability to think about the consequences of their actions before they act, these are children often unfairly labeled as “trouble-makers”, “difficult” or “disruptive”, not to mention making them prone to injuries and accidents because of their lack of forethought and thinking..

It is important to realize that oftentimes, children with ADHD are not trying to be defiant or disobey the “rules” but instead are “impulsive”. It is common that children with ADHD often feel remorse for “disobeying” the rules.

Children with ADHD, as indicated above, are oftentimes unfairly labeled as being “bad kids”. Because their disability is not overt, people do not realize the child is struggling with a disorder and thus, unfairly label them and treat them negatively, in some circumstances.

As parents, we must find ways to help the child with ADHD learn to tame their impulsiveness and improve upon their behavior, making them more socially appropriate with improving their self-image. The following discipline techniques may help you as you teach your child to get their impulsiveness under control and, as indicated above, improve their self-esteem and confidence.

Impulsiveness in Children Tip #1: Teach Your Child to Think Before They Act

The first place to start is to train your child to think before they act. You’ll need to consistently practice this often at home by role-playing a variety of circumstances that your child may find him or herself in. It is recommended to teach your child to learn to count to 5 before acting and use that time to think about the consequence of their considered action.

Impulsiveness in Children Tip #2: Teach Sensitivity

Because children with ADHD can, at times, be aggressive, teach your child how to be gentle by first modeling it yourself. When you see your child being gentle and sensitive, give them praise. Some parents find a pet often helps their child develop a sense of sensitivity and gentleness; just make sure it’s a solid, rather strong animal that can withstand the energy of an energetic child!

Impulsiveness in Children Tip #3: Avoid Spanking

Spanking typically creates anger in children with ADHD as they have difficulty associating a consequence with their actions. Giving your child a time to cool-off in a designated spot may be a better option to ********. Of course, this is just one example of the many other techniques you can implement.

Impulsiveness in Children Tip #4: Give Your Child with ADHD choices

Allowing your child to make choices, especially when they are in a bad mood, helps the child to get something done. It helps them to stop and think before they act and helps them to learn to be responsible for their choices.

Impulsiveness in Children Tip #5: Choose Your Words Carefully

Be exceedingly careful to NOT label your child with ADHD in a negative manner. The terms “bad” or “difficult” will only make them feel like THEY are bad. It’s important they can distinguish between themselves and the action.

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Self Esteem Among Street Children in Chennai City

Wednesday, January 28th, 2009

The Phenomenon of the street children is a recent one. It is stated that the Latin American countries were the first to recognize it in their cities being the phenomenon of a magnitude and size which warranted the attention of all concerned. However the problem of street children is global one and exists in both, the developed as well as developing countries, with a difference in its size and magnitude. These countries have some kinds of micro levels of rehabilitation measures. But much remains to be done in this field.

Street children is a trem – shaking uncontrollably as a result of anxiety, excitement or weakness which often highlights a certain set of working and living conditions rather than personal and social characteristics of the individual children them selves. So often, Children in these conditions are victims of stereotypes such as “Juvenile delinquents “ on the part of the public and authorities . The term “street children” should refer to all children who work in the street of urban areas without reference to the time they spend there or the reasons for being there.” (National workshop on street children, 29 and 30 August 1998)

The other terminologies for street children have been using is,

“children without families”

“ high –risk children”

“Unattached Children”

“Children in need of care and protection”

“Abandoned children”

The UNICEF has called them “children in difficult circumstance”.

Around the part of the world the Terminology of street children used in different

ways as follows,

In Naples ,” SCUGIZZO ” derives from the work for spinning – top always

more.

In Peru, the “ PAJARO FRUTERO” (Fruit bird) earns his name looking out for the police in the market place.

In Colombia “GAMIN” (Kid) is Borrowed from the French, but has strongly negative connotations. The same world appears in RWANDA in the form “SALIGOMAN” (Sale gamin, Nasty kid).

In Zaire, street children are “MOINEAUX” (Sparrows)

In Cameroon, “POUSSINS” (Chicks) to field Workers, MOUSTIQUES” (Mosquitoes) to the police . Others have proposed the term “twilight children” to suggest their fragile and indefinite status.

Officialdom, in contrast, tends to be more circumspect and refers to street children euphemistically as “children in an irregular situation.” So, The street children is a most vulnerable and high – risk group in the society. According to UNICEF, they can be classified into three categories as follows.

Street children on the street (children with continuous family contact)

Street Children of the street (Children with occasional family contact)

Abandoned and Neglected children ( children without family)

One of the negative consequences of Urbanization in the world, particularly in the developing countries , is the existence of a large proportion of the urban poor living in slums and pavements many families do not find any shelter. The forces of modernization including industrialization and urbanization, coupled with the appalling condition of poverty have adversely affected the family life.

Illiteracy, broken family, III–treatment, parent left, Death of parents and orphans and poverty are the key factor that forced to runaway from home and living on the street at major metropolitan cities, particularly in chennai. The population of street children in chennai is around 1,00,000 Most of the street children are drop-outs from school.

Most of the time they are living on the street, without having basic general needs of food, clothing and shelter, psychological needs of love, protection and recognition and social needs of social interaction, acceptance and maturity. They are not able to get care and support from family as well as society.

Condition of street children

The most vulnerable are the runaway boys and girls who live on the railway station, bus station, market place, pavements, streets and do odd jobs like rag picking cup collecting, coolie, begging, cleaning the rail boogies, small hotels etc. These children live on pavements and street with sky as their shelter and no one to care for with love and affection.

The condition of street children is a sad reality that this section of the population are neglected, delinquent and are uncared for. They are a new and rapidly increasing group of vulnerable, deprived and exploited children in our cities.

Chennai NGO forum for street and working children conducted a survey on street children in 1996 with the support of UNICEF. This survey was conducted with the following objective:

To enumerate the number of children of children who were on the street in the city of chennai.

To find out the conditions of the street children in the city of Chennai

On the basis of the survey, it was estimated that the number of street children in the city of chennai would be around 75, 000. If one were to include the children bellow 6 years and the teenagers on the street, the population would be as high as 1.5 lakhs. They were covered under survey only 6 to 18 years children.

Most of them earn their livelihood doing odd jobs like picking rags, or recycling garbage, shining shoes, washing cars and the like. Their employers often exploit them sexually. In addition, most economic activities of the street children are controlled by territories, each of which is guarded fiercely by its members, who react violent if threatened . In this struggle for survival the competition is ruthless and only the fittest survive. To survive, They work for three hours a day on an average, either in the morning or in the evening, and with their earning they meet their daily expense. Whenever they need advance money for their expenses, they get from the waste paper shop owners for which they would sell their collection of waste only to that particular shop.

The waste paper shop is also their place of stay after their work. During their Leisure hours, they go for movies, regularly take drug, pills and injection and at night have *** with local CSWs at a cheaper rate. This involves the risk of acquiring AIDS and spreading it. They have ********** habit also. The drugs they use includes brown sugar.

Family background

Most of the street children are living on the streets away from their family due to some of the following reasons, Abuse, violence, poverty, broken family, Peer group pressure, attractions on city life, dislike towards studies, frustration, orphan and others.

These street children have no one to care for them except their peer with whom they live on the streets. As they are away from home and school environment , the informal social control could only play a major role in their life in shaping the character and behaviour of these children.

The above stated variations have been affecting street children’s Self- esteem very deeply. Self esteem refers to the extent to which they expect to be accepted and valued by the adults and peers who are important to them. Even though self- esteem has been studied for more than 100 years, specialists and educators continue to debate its precise nature and development. But they generally agree that parents and other adults who are important to children play a major role in laying a solid foundation for a child’s development.

What is self – Esteem?

When parents and teachers of young children talk about the need for good self – esteem , they usually mean that children should have “ Good feelings” about themselves. With young children, self-esteem children refers to the extent to which they expect to be accepted and valued by the adults and peers who are important to them.

Children with a healthy self – esteem feel that the important adults in their lives accept them, care about them, and would go out of their way to ensure that they are safe and well . They feel that those adults would be upset if anything happened to them and would miss them if they were separated. Children with low self – esteem, on the other hand, feel that the important adults and peers in their life do not accept them, do not care about them very much, and would not go out of their way to ensure their safety and well –being.

During their early years, young children’s self- esteem is based largely on their perceptions of how the important adults in their lives judge them. The extent to which children believe they have the characteristics valued by the important adults and peers in their lives figures greatly in the development of Self – esteem. For example, in families and communities that value athletic ability highly, Children who excel in athletics are likely to have a high level of Self – esteem, Whereas children who are less athletic or who are criticized as being physically inept or clumsy are likely to suffer from low self – esteem.

Families, communities, and ethnic and cultural groups vary in the criteria on which self – esteem in based.

Children with self- esteem

Keeping self – esteem alive is necessary to every human being. It is the daily food of emotional health. Mother Teresa said that “each of us has a mission to fulfill, a mission to live, but that it must begin in our homes …. In the place where we are, with the people with when we are closest, and then spread out, “

Nurturing self- esteem in children, creating opportunities for success, facilitating a positive self – image are all important influences on a child’s healthy development.

Lack of self- esteem that damages a child’s self –image could interfere with a child’s ability to learn and relate.

To enhance a child’s self esteem is to be a positive force in a loving relationship and thereby make a worthwhile contribution to the world.

Many parents are unwittingly aiding their children to fail and have low self- esteem.

First we must define what every child needs. Every child needs to get parental approval.

for his or her own sense or personhood

for his or her sense of proven ability

for his or her sense of individuality

for set realistic achievement goals

to provide a framework of meaningful values

Typical sources of low self- esteem in children

In most cases, low self- esteem in children, stems from unfortunate childhood experiences. The greatest gift we as parents can give to our children is sound self- esteem. When we fail to give it we unconsciously build low self- esteem in our children.

A Parent’s own low self –esteem is a model for the child

A Child’s lack of recognition and appreciation by parents and others as an intrinsically valuable and important individual, can mar his self esteem. Phrases like “A child should be seen and not heard, “Mother knows best”, etc. demonstrate that the child’s needs, feelings, desires and opinions are not given due consideration.

A child sometimes makes self-deprecating comparisons of himself with those of his own age whom he admires for their strength and ability , their popularity, self –confidence and achievements. To make matters worse, his parents, family and friends compare him unfavourite brother or sister. This overpowers the child with devastating sense of inferiority.

A child feels inadequate because he is not encouraged and motivated to be independent, to do what he can for himself – to take responsibility for his ability as he grows in age and experience. The child is not taught to think for himself.

The false concepts, values and reactions of a child’s Parents, Teachers and peers, cause him to identify himself with his actions. For example, Mohan, whose mother had a severe migraine, is a “ bad boy” because he slammed the door. Whereas, in reality it was only his natural exuberance and lack of awareness that caused the act. This may load the child with self condemnation, shame, guilt and remorse.

Harsh and demanding parents set unreasonable standard, often raising them before the child has developed the ability to meet them. Parents may also subject their children to unreasonable, harsh criticism and undue and/or inconsistent punishment. Such actions cause early frustration, defeatism, and a destructive sense of inadequacy and inferiority.

A child being pushed beyond his capacity by the parents’ vicarious needs to achieve a sense of worth and importance through the child’s achievements often causes a deep feeling of inadequacy and unworthiness in the child.

Rivalry and unsuccessful emulation of an extremely bright or gifted brother or sister, or of an exceptionally talented and prominent parent often generates a deep sense of hopelessness and inferiority.

A child’s unflattering physical appearance and/or “odds” apparel, plus perhaps physical, mental, or emotional handicaps damage his sense of self worth.

A child raised on the basis of “ Reward and punishment”, rather than being motivated through understanding and allowed to make his own mistakes and to accept and resolve, so suffer the consequences develops low self –esteem.

Adverse economic, social, cultural, or ethnic position of parents and family often invite depreciation and ridicule.

Over possessiveness, over permissiveness, and undue control exercise by one, or both parents, nurtures a feeling of un – importance and lack of esteem in the child.

A serious sense of guilt is frequently induced by one’s material wealth or affluent background.

High values place on money, achievement and thing rather than on the individual and his innate worth, can preclude or destroy one’s self – esteem.

Repeated defeats and failures can destroy one’s sense of self- worth and result in one or two extremes. The child may become a drop-out from school or society or he may become a compulsive over achiever in a desperate attempt to “ prove himself”

Procrastination and lack of self – discipline, taking the path of least resistance, tend to demolish one’s self respect and sense of worth.

Lack of sense of meaning and purpose in life, of clear goals and objectives, preclude sound self – esteem; Key to High self – esteem.

The secret to inner peace lies in self – affirmation.

Need for the study

Bring to the end, many studies have concentrated on street children situational analysis, case studies and one study on street children on the independent variation of sex, age, education relationship between father and mother were conducted.

But no study was conducted in relation with street children’s self – esteem and so I have taken this problem for my project study. Because the street children are the important component of the developing country. but they are not in the main stream of the society. they are neglected from the family, school and social setup even they are having positive self – esteem about themselves which is not recognized by the existing social system. the street children’s perception towards the society is negative one.

SUMMERY AND CONCLUSION

Many psychologists state that our self –image is affected by all type experience. We have successes , failures, compliments, Put down personal experiences, our expectation and others expectation of us.

In 1657, Augustine Baker, a mystical theologian and Benedictine monk declared “self – esteem, Self- judgment and self – will” to be the there requisites of independence, the term had been used by scholars in Latin and Ancient Greeks, Plato, Aristotle and others. Thesaurus synonyms are “ self- reliance”, “self- consequence”, “poise”, “ confidence”, “ assurance”, “Pride” or “self- sufficiency”. Antonyms are “self – doubt” and “self – effacement” to “self- hatred” and “ shame”.

Therefore , the self- esteem provides an essential Thread that ties together various aspects of functioning. Low Level of self – esteem have been linked to confusion and disorganization with in a construct system. It would appear that low level of interrogation derived from grids developed to test the construction of others do not strongly imply that low level of interrogation will be found when the grids are based upon the construction of self.

No society can afford to ignore the street children .They are society’s future. They are to be integrated with the main stream of social development and to be provided with the opportunities to grow in sound mental and physical health in a appropriate social environment.

The human resource development approach has to be applied while dealing with all team, and it is sure that given all opportunities of their development, in their turn they can contribute immensely to the all round development of the society.

This study was conducted to mainly assess the level of self – esteem among street and school children to ascertain the possible reasons for higher or lower self – esteem.

Aim

Studying the level of self – esteem among street and school children.

Objective

To find out the level of self – esteem between school children and street children.

To find out the level of self –esteem between boys and girls among street children and school children.

To develop and recommend the remedial measures to overcome low elf esteem of street children.

Hypotheses

There will be significant difference between school children and street children in their level of self – esteem.

There will be significant difference between street boys and girls in their level of self – esteem.

There will be significant difference between street boys and school boys in their level of self – esteem.

There will be significant difference between street girls and school girls in their level of self – esteem.

There will be significant difference between school boys and girls in their level of self – esteem.

Sampling

Using Random sampling method for the study 120 school and street children were selected among these 120 children , 60 were boys and 60 were girls. Their age ranged from 12 to 17 years. Justification of age selection is, below 12 years the children are not able to recognize and express their self – esteem properly , so above 12 years has been selected for the study .

Tool used

The index of self –esteem by walter W.Hudson was found to be the most suitable tool to measure the self – esteem levels. The total questionnaire is 25

Statistical Analysis

The Collected date was analysed, the Mean, standard deviation, ‘t’ Value was established to test the hypotheses

Findings

The Level of Self – esteem of school children is lower than the level of street children, that means street children were having high level of self – esteem.

There is no gender different in the level of self –esteem of street children.

The level of self –esteem of the street boys is higher than school boys.

The Level of self – esteem of the street girls is higher than school girls.

The Level of self – esteem of school girls is higher than school boys.

Conclusion

An analysis of data collected being done, the following conclusion were arrived at. The Level of Self – esteem identified by the school children is lower than the level of street children, that means street children were having high level of self – esteem. The level of self – esteem developed by the street children boys and girls is the same. The level of self –esteem accumulated by the street boys is higher than school boys. The Level of self – esteem indicated by the street girls is higher than school girls.

Limitations

The sample was limited only in the age group of 12 to17 years

street and school children.

It was done only in Chennai city.

The sample size was small.

The self esteem questionnaires was given to the street children and school children separately.

Implications of the study

One of the first steps in encouraging healthy self – esteem in children is to : establish good relationships with them. Persons in good, relationship is ultimately what the world is all about . Relationships which are mutually loving and caring , honest and supportive create an atmosphere for healthy human growth and great self – esteem.

Emotionally, children are easily threatened by anyone bigger, older or more confident than they are not yet possessing the well – developed defended adults usually have, children’s sense of self is still Fragile vulnerable and easily knocked down. for example, children often don’t understand the significant difference chronological age can make in their performance. younger children may feel stupid because their older siblings appear smarter .they do not realize older children have had more time than they for learning skills, physical growth, greater muscle control, more practice and mare experience in sports, school, the arts and so on. younger children need to understand they may be years behind in eyepiece but not necessarily in intelligence.

When they get threats from others, they think of themselves as unlovable, incompetent, unimportant and un wanted misfits. threat brings on feelings of insecurity embarrassment ; failure and fear abounds inside them . So threat is too be avoided.

What Adults can do to boost self – esteem in children?

Acknowledge a child’s right to emotions.

Provides outlets for strong feelings.

allow time for strong feelings to cool off.

connect yourself with their strong emotions.

help relieve stress with some thing physical.

show that you can accept even the undesirable.

encourage children to talk to other adults.

help children by telling them stories.

what parents can do ?

Apart from this, in order to build great self – esteem in children, parents need to.

Be an example of self – value, self – love and self p celebration.

Respect your child as a unique never – to -be- repeated miracle of good.

Lead your child to feel loved , Valued and respected for his / her own self.

Make your child responsible for his/ her actions and conduct.

Help your child to feel capable of accomplishing things on his/her own.

Show your child that each day is full of joys and wonderful experiences.

Give sincere praise and appreciation for every good experience.

Let your child find him self through your guidance. Don’t make him a robot or rubber stamp of yourself.

Invest time and energy to help your child achieve greatness.

Lead your child to Improve with each event, not compete with others who may be more beautiful smarter or wealthier . these are False standards of greatness and make one all but feel like a loser the winner in the one who is doing his best for his own sake. Be consistent in your discipline and lead your child to agree as to proper conduct. Empress praise for good behavior and don’t destroy the value of praise by withholding praise when improper conduct occurs. Teach children not to use self put- downs Teach them how to give tem selves self – support self – value, and self – assurance.

Parents can play an Important role in strengthening children’s self – esteem by treating them respect fully , taking their views and opinions seriously, and expressing appreciation to them above all, parents must keep in mind that self – esteem is an important part of every child’s development.

Asia girls

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Discipline: a Challenge to Fathers’ Parenting Skills

Wednesday, January 14th, 2009

Stories questioning the best way to discipline children never completely drop out of the news.

For example, reports about fed-up parents using Nebraska’s safe-haven law to drop off unruly teenagers incited a debate about how to provide families with the parenting advice and disciplinary tools they need.

And when President Barack Obama revealed that his daughters will be required to make their own beds and clean their own rooms at the White House, it was difficult not to wonder how he would react if Sasha or Malia decided to rebel. Does the new president use the naughty step?

In many families, fathers are the ones expected to dole out punishment when the need arises. However, mastering the art of discipline can challenge even the savviest dad’s parenting skills.

Several parenting advice experts stress the need for consistency. In other words, your children need to know what to expect when they misbehave or they may begin acting up to test the limits.

Similarly, one of the biggest mistakes a father can make when disciplining his child is to not follow through on a threat. It is incredible how quickly children learn to disregard words if they are not supported by actions.

Another important point emphasized by child psychologists is to try to refrain from rewarding bad behavior. Every time you buy your child a piece of candy to get them to stop crying, you are effectively demonstrating that acting up will earn them a reward.

Although it may require you to muster up all of your parenting skills and patience, experts also recommend staying calm while correcting your children’s behavior. Shouting or losing your temper may just end up encouraging kids to yell back and respond to conflict with anger.

Finally, some of the best parenting advice may be to maintain realistic expectations for children. For example, it may be very difficult for a toddler to sit still for an hour, so demanding that they do so is almost like setting them up to fail.

Remember: your children are not perfect – and neither are you

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On Christianity, Fundamentalism, Spanking, And What Constitutes Child Abuse

Friday, January 9th, 2009

In his article, Conservative Protestantism and the Corporal Punishment of Children, in the Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion (JSSR), Ellison (2001) takes up the issue of Conservative Protestants and ********. One point that he reiterates almost ad nauseam is that such conservative religious adherents are far more likely than the general public to support corporal punishment of children. A second theme repeatedly revisited is that it is not necessarily reasonable to call such behavior abusive.

I must state from the start that this is not a dispassionate topic with me. I am an education professor and also a seminary graduate, a trained chaplain, and a minister. Further, my background traces its path though the Jesus Movement, which attracted many “refugees” from the “hippie days” of the late 60’s and early 70’s. As a Jesus Freak, I was firmly fixed in the fundamentalist milieu from which the Jesus Movement grew. When I married my Jesus Freak sweetheart in the mid 70’s, we began working on a family. When children came, we followed the teachings of the fundamentalist Christian “gurus” and were quite strict with our children. I saw much of the same in our church associations-all young adults with kids, all towing the line in regards to child discipline. I have no doubt that what I saw and was rapidly accepting bordered on abuse-which was one of the reasons I repudiated fundamentalism when my sons were quite small.

My concern, simply put, is with children whose parents might be considering placing them in daycare at a fundamentalist church or school, or folks who read the books of conservative Christian “pro-family psychologists” offering advice on childrearing. I hope to show that fundamentalism naturally places children at danger and naturally tends to abusiveness.

In due course, I shall take up the issue of whether “spanking” encouraged by fundamentalist Christian leaders amounts or leads to abuse and whether, therefore, it is wise for a parent to turn to such teachers for instruction in childrearing or entrust the care of their children to fundamentalist childcare and educational institutions. First, however, it might be instructive to consider precisely why parents under the spell of fundamentalist tutors might adopt a program of corporal punishment. There are four predominant reasons indicated in the literature.

First, there is the issue of biblical inerrancy. Fundamentalists believe and teach that the Bible is completely without error on any topic upon which it speaks. It is the “court of no appeals.” Second, fundamentalist writers, teachers, and preachers are well armed with many biblical proof texts demonstrating that “sparing the rod” is not the best approach. Thirdly, fundamentalists expound an extreme authoritarian, male dominated, and hierarchical view of family life. Lastly, the fundamentalist view of humanity is such that humans are viewed as sinful and hell-bound by nature. This rebellion must be addressed. The best way to save one’s child from hell is by “beating the hell out of him or her.”

In Grevens’ Spare the Rod: The Religious Roots of Punishment and the Psychological Impact of Physical Abuse (1991) the notion of using physical abuse to “break the child’s will” is explored. It is the parental responsibility to break the will so that the child will conform to the parent’s wishes, thereby learning obedience to God. How much force must be applied? Most fundamentalist commentators state that the parent must remain fairly emotionless and turn a deft ear to the protests of the child. The child must be struck repeatedly until s/he begins crying profusely, for that is the sign of a broken will-the objective of striking the child in the first place.

Grevens demonstrates through much anecdotal evidence that the whole notion is fraught with difficulties. Although there are several guidelines concerning the need to strike the child with an object and not the hand and to have a “cooling down period” before administering the punishment and, most importantly, to express in some physical way how much the child is loved after s/he has been beaten, it tends to backfire. Citing examples of well-known Christians reflecting on their childhood, a picture emerges of children waiting during the “cooling off” period, making deals with God, and pleading with God that they would not be beaten again. As for the love part, Ruth Wilkerson Harris (sister of evangelist David Wilkerson) in her book, It was Good Enough for the Father: The Story of the Wilkerson Family (1969), recounts how the Wilkerson childern, had to face the “humbling” of embracing their father after a beating and saying, “I love you Daddy. Forgive me for disobeying.”

Capps, in Religion and Child Abuse: Perfect Together (JSSR, 1992), points out that this mixture of anger, pain, beating, and love is very confusing to children. They likely come to view the ritual as a pain filled affair necessary to gain the parent’s love. They must surely long for a love that might, someday, be unconditional, with no beatings attached. They plead for God to deliver them. God doesn’t. As much anecdotal evidence indicates, as adults, such children do not thank God that they had a parent willing to inflict physical punishment on them and many grow up with a very confused image of God. They have been taught that God is all-powerful, yet God did not rescue them when they pleaded with God for mercy.

An interesting view of all of this emerges from BIOLA University’s Rosemead School of Psychology. The study in question is reported in BIOLA’s Journal of Psychology and Theology. It is important to remember that we have not at this point answered the question of whether ******** is abusive in any substantive sense. The BIOLA article, Religiosity and the Risk of Perpetrating Child Physical Abuse: An Empirical Investigation (2005), authored by Dyslyn and Thomsen agrees that Conservative Protestants (the denominational listing in the article lists denominations usually considered evangelical/fundamentalist) are more likely to engage in corporal punishment. However, the authors do not see ******** as abusive. Their study, while finding Conservative Protestants to have the highest score on a test of likely abusive behavior, states that the differences between the Conservatives, Mainline Protestants, Catholics, and unaffiliated are not statistically significant.

One might argue that there is some practical significance in Conservatives obtaining the highest score, but that would be shaky ground. Methodologically, there are problems in that the test used is attitudinal and was given mainly to college students without children. Also, the college environment from which the sample was taken is not described, so it is hard to generalize. In addition, the study flies in the face of considerable anecdotal evidence. Most importantly, BIOLA stands for the Bible Institute of Los Angeles. One might suspect some researcher bias.

So, we come full circle. Everyone seems to agree that fundamentalists, or those leaning that direction, are more likely than most to resort to corporal punishment. Further, the lion’s share of child developmentalists see ******** as a harmful thing-associated with undesirable child, adolescent, and adult outcomes (Ellison, 2001). The question then is, When is the line crossed? Is all ******** abusive? When I was part of the fundamentalist world, what I knew about and saw were some pretty stout spankings administered to children as young as six months old. I saw lots of spankings with paddles. [Remember, you were encouraged to use a "neutral(?)" object. The hands were used to give love. The notion was that the child would not associate the object with the parent.] In answering the question about spanking, and abuse, I turn now to a fascinating study from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. The study, reported on the Medpage Today website (Heavy ******** Predicts Overt Child Abuse, 2008), revealed the following results:

1. Parents who ******* were 2.7 times more likely to engage in overt abusive behavior than non-spankers.

2. Parents that ******* with a belt or paddle or another object as opposed to their hands had triple the odds of becoming abusers (remember the “neutral” object theory?).

3. For each additional ******** per year, there was a 3% increase in the likelihood of yet stronger punishments being used in the home. (When I was in the fundamentalist church, it was not unusual for children to receive two or three spankings a day.)

4. The report stated, “This is the first study to demonstrate that parents who report ******** children with an object and who frequently ***** children are much more likely to report harsh punishment acts consistent with physical abuse.

All of these conclusions seem to have implications for children placed in a fundamentalist Christian environment. Associated Content, in a May 2007 posting, The Effects of the “No ******** Law” on Child Abuse in Sweden, discusses a law passed in Sweden in the 1970’s that made ******** a civil offence. Before the law, the family violence child death rate in 1970 was 18%. In recent years it has been 0%. By 1981, only 26% of Swedish parents supported ********. Now it is less than 11%. In 1996, there were 57 reported cases of child abuse per 100,000 people. At the same time in the US that figure stood at 4,500/100,000.

Clearly, ******** and child abuse are connected. It also seems clear that in their propensity to support corporal punishment, fundamentalism and fundamentalist environments could likely put children at risk for abuse. It is something concerned parents would do well to bear in mind. They must ask: Is it a risk I am willing to take?

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What Do Children Need From Parents? Help Them Understand and Express Their Needs and Wants

Friday, January 9th, 2009

What do children really need besides food, shelter and protection? Have you ever wondered what your responsibility is to ensure that your child will grow up to be a contributing member of society? As a mom, foster mom and grandmother as well as a family educator and relationship coach, I have learned a few things about what children really need. Surprise, it is not the latest toy or name brand clothing.

Following are a few notes that your child would tell you if he or she could. Relax, none of them cost anything but some time and attention.

1. Spend time with me. The most wonderful present you can give me is your presence in my life. Laugh and play games with me. Take me to the park and push me on the swings. Let me help with the chores. Read to me every day so that I will develop a love of learning. I want your attention.

2. Set boundaries and guidelines that will allow me the freedom to growand develop but keep me safe and teach me right from wrong. Be consistent in your expectations so I know what my limits are. Use natural and logical consequences for unacceptable behavior. I learn better when you tell me what you want instead of what you don’t want.

3. Discipline, but don’t punish me. Discipline is teaching and guiding. The root of the word discipline comes from disciple and means leader and teacher. Punishment is a short-term measure and hurts my feelings. Hitting, yellingand ******** will only teach me to hit, yell and *****.

4. Respect me as a child of God, as well as your child. Listen to me without passing judgment. Talk to me without nagging or yelling. Hug me for no reason and value me for being just who I am. I will do the same for you. Respect is a two way street and I learn how to deal with others as you deal with me.

5. Tell me you love me every day. You know you love me, but I don’t know it unless you tell me in words and show me in actions that your love is unconditional. Remember there is a difference between what I do (deed) and me (doer) Tell me you are proud of my progress and accomplishments. Encourage me as I learn to do better each day. Learning is a process and help me to know that you love me even if I do make a mistake or ***** up occasionally.

It seems pretty simple, isn’t it? I said simple, not easy. If you grew up in a negative environment, you may fall back into old patterns of behavior under stress. But, you don’t have to parent that way. You have a choice.We always have options and choices. Our children deserve our best efforts.

You Can Change Old Belief Patterns

You are invited to a free teleclass and radio show each Thursday about various aspects of family relationships and communication. Check at our main website for the schedule. You will feel they have been designed just for you and they have.

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