If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical, sexual, emotional or verbal, please get help to stop as soon as possible. Adults are supposed to safeguard and protect the young among us. You may be repeating patterns learned in your family of origin or not know any other methods of parenting.

I have included a number of different approaches to discipline that won’t damage the spirit of your precious children, but none will work if you haven’t acknowledged that what you were doing in the past was harmful and that your family deserved a more nurturing environment. I am not a psychologist or a counselor, but I know there are good ones out there who can assist you in shifting your paradigm of discipline to a more loving and respectful relationship.

You owe it to your children and yourself to break the bonds and cycle of abuse and get help. Change is possible; I see it every day in families I work with. You are a good, kind and loving person or you wouldn’t be reading this book and attending these classes, so I encourage you to take the steps that will change the lives of your children and their children.

You can do it. I believe in you.

A list of talking points to help you discipline without damage is listed below.

• The meaning of the word discipline

• Is your love unconditional

• Be both firm and kind in discipline

• Adults also need time out

• Teach them that mistakes are never final

• We all need boundaries

• Consistent does not mean rigid

• Discipline but never punish

• Catch them doing things right

• Teach without anger, shame or blame

• There is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” child

• Issue a warning, but mean it

• ******** and screaming are not effective teachers

• Eliminate “Who’s at Fault?”

• Be aware of your body and ****** language

• Treat each child as an individual

• Be careful of abusive adjectives, they really hurt

• Recognize effort and improvement

• Don’t punish them for telling the truth

• Deal with problems in private, praise in public

• Distinguish between minor mishaps and major problems

• Teach them to forgive and ask for forgiveness

• Be curious not furious-Ask questions

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What do children really need besides food, shelter and protection? Have you ever wondered what your responsibility is to ensure that your child will grow up to be a contributing member of society? As a mom, foster mom and grandmother as well as a family educator and relationship coach, I have learned a few things about what children really need. Surprise, it is not the latest toy or name brand clothing.

Following are a few notes that your child would tell you if he or she could. Relax, none of them cost anything but some time and attention.

1. Spend time with me. The most wonderful present you can give me is your presence in my life. Laugh and play games with me. Take me to the park and push me on the swings. Let me help with the chores. Read to me every day so that I will develop a love of learning. I want your attention.

2. Set boundaries and guidelines that will allow me the freedom to growand develop but keep me safe and teach me right from wrong. Be consistent in your expectations so I know what my limits are. Use natural and logical consequences for unacceptable behavior. I learn better when you tell me what you want instead of what you don’t want.

3. Discipline, but don’t punish me. Discipline is teaching and guiding. The root of the word discipline comes from disciple and means leader and teacher. Punishment is a short-term measure and hurts my feelings. Hitting, yellingand ******** will only teach me to hit, yell and *****.

4. Respect me as a child of God, as well as your child. Listen to me without passing judgment. Talk to me without nagging or yelling. Hug me for no reason and value me for being just who I am. I will do the same for you. Respect is a two way street and I learn how to deal with others as you deal with me.

5. Tell me you love me every day. You know you love me, but I don’t know it unless you tell me in words and show me in actions that your love is unconditional. Remember there is a difference between what I do (deed) and me (doer) Tell me you are proud of my progress and accomplishments. Encourage me as I learn to do better each day. Learning is a process and help me to know that you love me even if I do make a mistake or ***** up occasionally.

It seems pretty simple, isn’t it? I said simple, not easy. If you grew up in a negative environment, you may fall back into old patterns of behavior under stress. But, you don’t have to parent that way. You have a choice.We always have options and choices. Our children deserve our best efforts.

You Can Change Old Belief Patterns

You are invited to a free teleclass and radio show each Thursday about various aspects of family relationships and communication. Check at our main website for the schedule. You will feel they have been designed just for you and they have.

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