How to Discipline Your Child

What Causes Lack of Respect in Teenagers?

The lack of respect teenagers show these days is certainly no secret. Today, I found myself thinking about what some of the causes could be and I identified three things I believe contribute greatly to the lack of respect found in teenagers.

Changes in Government and Society

There was a time, and not that long ago, when most parents enforced the rules in their homes through several different methods including physical punishment.

These physical punishments, most often spankings, were actually very effective positive discipline for teenagers. They might not seem so positive but they were because the paddling was the final line. It brought real consequences to a child’s actions.

For example, when I was growing up if I did something I wasn’t supposed to do I’d find myself grounded for anywhere from a few days to a few weeks.

Often, I’d be punished physically as well. I’m not talking about being slapped around or any foolishness like that. I’m talking about a good ole paddling. Often those were administered with a belt.

It wasn’t just me either. It was quite common for a kid to be ******* back when I was growing up.

The result? We learned if we did not want to get a whupping we needed to follow the rules.

Times have certainly changed. Some of the people who make the laws in this country decided that a parent disciplining their child by means of a paddling was child abuse.

These days any parent who spanks their child can have child abuse charges filed against them and find their state government interfering in their family life.

I believe this is one of the greatest reasons teenagers have a lack of respect today. Because without the backup of an actual real punishment there is no real motivation for a kid to change their behavior.

Parents today often have their kids right up in their faces yelling at their parents. What is the parent going to do? Well, when it comes right down to it they really cannot do anything.

Sure they can tell the child to stop it or else… but what is the or else? The parent can try grounding them from the television or computer. They can take away their cell phone. They can tell their disobedient child he / she are not leaving the house for a week.

This all sounds good. It should be effective, right? So… what happens when the child thinks “to heck with this!” and watches television and gets on the computer anyway? What if they sneak in and take back their cell phone? What if they sneak out of the house or simply walk out right in front of their parents?

Although this might seem quite extreme for kids to do, believe me, it does happen and is happening all over the USA every day. Talk to your friends. Watch the news. Search the Internet only briefly and you will discover what a huge problem this has become.

The bottom line is without any real “tool” in their toolbox the parents no longer have any real power to enforce the rules and make their kids behave.

Everyone Must Earn Respect… Including You!

Recently, I was reading an article that talked about how teachers are seeing an alarming trend these past few years.

The students are expecting everyone else to earn their respect. Teenagers make their teachers earn their respect. Until the teacher earns the respect the student has none for them simply because of the teachers position.

The same goes for their parents and even other teenagers. They do not respect people for being older. They do not respect people for things they have accomplished. They do not respect their parents for providing for them and for bringing them into the world in the first place.

I have talked to many teenagers in an attempt to understand it. The things I have been told are “what other people have done has nothing to do with me” and “Why do adults always brag about what they have done, pat themselves on the back and want us to kiss their behinds?”

The only explanation I have for this behavior is the teenagers may have learned this from a role model.

A Disrespectful Role Model

If a child has grown up around a parent, or other adult role model, who often talks and acts disrespectfully the child will pick up on that.

For example, if a parent is always complaining about their job, and in particular, complaining about their boss or other people they work with… think about what kind of message this sends to kids.

First, the child can begin to lose respect for their parent. They may think “wow, (mom or dad) must be a real pushover if they have so many problems at work.” They may also support their parent fully and think “I’ll never let some idiot ruin my life like that. I won’t even give them the chance to!”

Neither of these views is a healthy way for a child to see the world and other people. Under such circumstances, it is understandable how the child may develop an aggressive personality causing them to challenge all authority. After all they have seen what such people did to their parent’s life. They’ve listened to their parent complain about it for years. The child may simply be doing whatever they can to make sure they will not be treated the same way as their parent has been.

I’m not laying the blame solely on parents. Believe me, I understand this cannot be the entire reason behind teenagers’ lack of respect.

Too soon to start thinking about what your children will do in the world to support themselves? Given the current state of the economy, and the changes we may be seeing in the workforce and the world as a result, it’s not too early to be thinking about your children’s future.

Once again, I’ll reference my two boys, since they’re very different in terms of talent and temperament. The older of my boys is away at a major university on a track scholarship. He also had good enough grades and was enough of an entrepreneur in high school that he probably would’ve gotten an academic scholarship, too, had it not been for his sports acumen.

My younger son is a different story. While my older boy is ambitious – a classic “self-starter” and entrepreneur – my younger son seems to lack any motivation or desire to excel. He struggles to get even a C on his report card, and he’s not very interested in business or college.

Had he not discovered his talent and his focus in life, he might have wandered aimlessly about. But he is good at something, and I’m glad I helped him find it and am doing all I can to be supportive.

He plays guitar. I know, I know. A musician? A rock ‘n roller? A band? What kind of career path is that?

Well, it’s certainly not my career path. And it’s probably not the path most parents would choose for their children. It is, however, his path, his talent, his love. And I’m every bit as proud of him as I am of my older son in college. My younger son and his band played their first live performance recently, and the joy and passion he had was evident. He even wrote the song they performed.

That’s the point of this parenting tip and I’ll illustrate it with a question: will it be enough for you if your child is happy and fulfilled in his life and career, or would you prefer that you’re happy and fulfilled by what he’s doing? Yes, putting “Dr.” in front of your child’s name, or “Esquire” after it might make you feel fulfilled, but wouldn’t you rather they found their own calling, their own career, their own happiness and passion in life?

To help them along that path, start early if possible, by helping them try different things and explore different talents and paths without pushing any of them. Just let them play, expose them to as many different activities and choices as possible, then simply support and encourage them along the way.

They may try and fail at many of them, but at least you know that you allowed them to find their talent and their own passion in life. And you got to be a part of it.

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Every parent has experienced this scenario in one form or the other: you go to drop your child off at day care for the first time or you leave for a little getaway with your spouse or partner, only to be greeted with your child’s tears, screams and heartbreaking cries of “Mommy!” or “Daddy!”. While this situation can cause even the most resilient parent to become consumed by guilt, the good news is that this type of behavior is perfectly natural in most children.

Known as separation anxiety, this behavior is common in children as young as eight months and can persist up until the early school years. However, for most parents, handling separation anxiety isn’t exactly a walk in the park! If your child is currently suffering from separation anxiety, here are a few expert tips that will have your child becoming more independent – and you feeling a little less guilty!

- Practice Makes Perfect. There’s an old saying that basically tells us that the faster we rip off a band-aid, the more it will hurt – but the pain will be less prolonged. With children, however, that saying should go straight out the window! Suddenly leaving your child with strangers for a long period of time – like with daycare, for example – can be one of the most traumatic experiences in a young child’s life. Instead, help your child get used to separation by gradually spending more and more time apart. Once your child enters daycare or school, he or she will adapt more readily to your absence.

- Give Your Child A Memento. Young children often need objects that provide them security; for example, perhaps your son or daughter has a blanket or stuffed animal that they keep with them at all times. You can apply this same thought in order to alleviate separation anxiety – give your child a small photo of yourself or some other small object that has significant meaning for the both of you. Tell your child that this object or photo means that you’ll always be with them.

- Follow Through! When greeted by your child’s tears and heartbreaking screams, it can often be tempting to give into the guilt and run back to them. However, you absolutely, under no circumstances, should reward their behavior with your return: this will only teach them that you’ll respond to their tempter tantrums, and that’s difficult behavior to unlearn! Say good-bye firmly, and don’t look back, no matter how much it breaks your heart.

- Reward Good Behavior. Negative behavior should never be reinforced, but if your child shows progress in overcoming his or her separation anxiety, reward them with praise and affection. Not only will this encourage your child to continue overcoming separation anxiety; it will help to remind them that you’ll always come back to them with lots of love and affection!

- Call In A Professional. There are many cases where mild separation anxiety develops into a full-blown disorder. If you suspect that your child is suffering from more than a normal case of separation anxiety, ask administrators and teachers if there are any counseling services offered by the school. Additionally, consider utilizing the services of a professional child psychologist, who will be able to teach both you and your child how to effectively deal with separation anxiety.

Remember, in most cases, separation anxiety is a natural phase in a young child’s life – with your love and encouragement, your son or daughter will soon overcome this stress and start to lead a more independent life.

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Do you have any children? If yes, have you ever learned about how to discipline them? Did you purchase any books about child discipline?

Child discipline is one of the most important factors on successful parenting. Parents who have good behavior and excellent self management skills children are successful parents. A child with good behavior knows how to respect the rights of others, which behaviors are acceptable and which are not, has good self-confident, and does not get too frustrated with the normal stresses of everyday life. This is not an easy task. Many parents already know about the importance of child discipline but they just do not know how and what to do. That is why every parent should learn about child discipline.

Here are 10 basics of child discipline guidelines:

1) First of all, you must understand that discipline is not same as punishment. It has more to do with teaching.

2) Be strict but not abusive. It means that you have to be consistent in your discipline method, or how you punish your child.

3) Think proactive. Before you act think ahead what is the consequences of your action.

4) Talk positively with love and care to your child. This is a good motivator. Tell your child what is the consequence of his/her misbehavior. Also tell him/her that you want them to be a good child.

5) Do you like to hear constantly what you have done wrong? Most of us do not like it. Same goes for children. By telling many times that they are doing wrong will tear them down. Praise and reward them whenever they behave good. If they always misbehave think of other techniques besides tell them that they are doing wrong. It is important that in disciplining children, we build them up rather than tear them down.

6) Set up a daily routine for your younger children and try to find a way on how to stick to it every day.

I have a friend who set up a schedule for her children. Whoever misses any jobs will be marked as red and get less marks. A child who has lower marks will get less school allowance. By this way her children will try to get all their jobs done!

7) Be careful when using threats. You tend to say things you do not mean when you get angry.

Too many threats will effect your child behavior too. They will learn from you and use your words to threat other people thus leads to bad manner.

Do not offer choices for must-do routine. For example when you set routine for them to get sleep at 10 pm, then you should say “It’s time for bed” rather than ” Do you want to go to bed now?”.

9) Experts say that giving too much command or repeating the same command is not an effective discipline method. You should give a command once and if not followed, then repeat it once again and warn him of the consequences for his misbehave will be. If still not effective, then apply the consequences.

10) Sometimes it is good to have “calm down” time. It gives benefit not only for your child but also for you.

One of a popular discipline technique among parents is time-out. Time-out is a discipline technique that involves placing children in a very boring place for several minutes following misbehavior. It is an effective discipline tool when used appropriately. Make sure the place is safe for your child and no distractions.

The above guidelines are only a few of many methods to discipline your child. There are many methods but you have to know how to use them. Different method works with different behavior. Before implementing any methods make sure you have studied about it. If you are really serious in getting your child to be discipline, buying a few books related to child discipline as your guidance is absolutely a good action.

Trying to get advice about how to deal with child behavior problems can be very confusing because people have conflicting opinions as to what is the best method to use. Some people have old-fashioned notions about dealing with child behavior problems, and they believe that yelling or ******** are acceptable methods.

Research studies have proved that this form of child discipline can be harmful to a child and so is discouraged. Children who have experienced their parents frequently yelling at them learn that it is okay for them to solve problems by raising their voice.

So if yelling and ******** are ineffective ways of dealing with child behavior problems what options are available to parents?

There are other effective ways to deal with child behavior problems. if you have a very young child you can say “no” firmly, and that is often enough for them to learn that you do not approve of that particular behavior. In the cases that just saying “no” is not a sufficient deterrent, then the next stage is to take the child physically away from that inappropriate activity.

Other effective ways of dealing with unacceptable child behavior with a child who is very young are using timeout or removing your attention from the child. This involves removing the child to a boring area of the house and ignoring him or her until they have calmed down. You can use this technique particularly efficiently with the child who is having a temper tantrum.

With slightly older children, you are able to use the logic of rewards and consequences and they are able to understand how this operates. Therefore you can deal with child behavior problems by withholding rewards and stopping privileges. for instance, if your child refuses to eat their meal do not force them to do so. Instead remove the meal, and when they asked for a snack suggest that they eat their meal first and then they would be able to have a snack. At the same time remember to always give rewards for behavior that does meet your approval.

If you are in need of help and would like to learn more about how to handle child behavior problems you can find helpful articles on the Internet. Parents can find e-books all about dealing with child behavior problems that are available for purchase as well as other programs that teach you very effective strategies to help you with your child’s behavior problems.

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